my bf has no definite plans for us, is it worth keeping still?
we are having our 5th yr. anniversary come July 28. But he left last September 2009 to apply as a nurse abroad. However, due to difficulties in the application process, he is still in manila and hasn't left the country since then. As far as I remember two years ago, he asked me to convert in the same religion where he affiliated. i was convinced and eventually converted to the same religion he has because he promised me that about a year's time, he would marry me. But until now, it didn't happen yet, and things are getting blurred between us now that we are in a long distance relationship. We haven't seen each other for six months now. I told him that since his application status is not yet stable, he may come home here in the province and spend time with me until the employee calls him, but he declines. I also ask him when could he come home but he always just answer me to not worry because he is coming home. I want a definite time or month but he doesn't say anything. With regard to the wedding plans he promised me, it seemed like it was already forgotten. Just today he texted me that he is planning to study Norwegian language in Manila for 5 months. With this, it implied that he still do not plan to come home while he is still not leaving for abroad. I finally told him that today is the last time he will hear me asking and begging for him to come home, the last time he will hear me talk about marriage and he just answered "okay". When we quarrel through text, i am the one always reaching out.I am already feeling tired, like it's leading us to nowhere and ignored by him. I want to give up and I just feel like I'm blinded with my hope that he will still live up to his words. Plus the distance between us is another factor. Should I keep holding on? Thanks for your answers people.... besides, I feel alone with the new faith he has left me. We are forbidden to cut our hair (mine is already halfway to my knees) and wear pants (only skirts). This is the sacrifice I had for him and i know it's a sin to God that I transferred religion just because of a boyfriend who promised me something and not really because of my faith. I feel so alone.... thank you everyone for your answers...it made me feel good...just this morning I changed my number so he can't contact me maybe like a week to let him feel my distance and absence. I want him to do his things first and never try to nag him about anything. i just can't find the way and the strength to tell him that I need my space already (with all that's been going between us) so maybe just leaving him silently is better, for now. If I have picked myself up already hopefully, I could tell him that he's free from me...Besides, I also plan to continue the new faith i have embraced. It doesn't mean that w/o him, my soul will wander off too. Thank you people for your answers-it truly made me stronger to initiate leaving him. But oh, it still hurts and sleepless nights are not over...wish me luck friends. Take care.
Marriage & Divorce - 11 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
no find someone who cares about and loves you, you ask him to come home to see you and he declines, he is prolly seeing someone over there
2 :
if he has no plans of being together forever then no dont hold on cut it off
3 :
If your goal in a relationship is to eventually get married then you need to end things with him. You're not on the same page. You'll be waiting until he decideds that it's time to end things. Just cut your loses and find someone who wants a future with you.
4 :
Stop holding on! He has consistently thwarted your wishes. What do you think a marriage to this man would be like? Please, go on with your life. Check out my "source" for more info.
5 :
At one point he was marriage minded. He no longer is as his priorities changed to working abroad. If your goal is to get married, then cut your losses with him so you are available for a man (who you love) who is also marriage minded.
6 :
Stop wasting your time. He hasn't "forgotten", he simply doesn't want to. Obviously has his sights on leaving the country and is waiting for you to get tired of it all because he doesn't have the balls to tel you the truth. It's been over. Move on. I'm sure that you are a lovely lady. Do not waste valuable time waiting for someone that has no interest in you. As soon as he sees the opportunity, he will leave you behind with no hesitation. Find a man than values you and has serious intentions, because this buffoon doesn't. Good luck
7 :
Sounds nice and all, but where is your part in this? is this ALL your gf's plans? i mean as a couple you should both bring input to eachother what/when to do things. Talk it over i guess.
8 :
In my opinion, he is treating you like a back up. If your boyfriend is avoiding an answer to your questions (when is he coming home, can you give me a date) then chances are he isn't interested in coming home. Or he is with someone over there. I don't know, but what I mean is that when you are in a relationship, it's common sense and decency for the one you love to tell them a date of when they are coming home. He is avoiding pretty much everything with you, and seems to be planning his future without thinking of you or including you. I think you should tell him you want some space to think, see how he reacts (and of course go out and do some thinking of your own). If he doesn't seem to care and you find that you don't want to wait anymore (which personally I wouldn't) then make the breakup official and get your life in order. You never have to bribe a boyfriend to promise to marry you darling. Some man out there someday will be kissing your feet for the chance to marry you. Go look for him.
9 :
Norwegian in Manila eh? A language that's being spoken by 5 million Norwegians. I'd be surprised if you can find a Norwegian class in Manila. Even if YOU are Norwegian (which I doubt) I find his behavior highly suspect. He is far from eager to be with you. Forget him and draw your own plans from now on! And forget about that conversion to his belief.
10 :
Your faith is yours you should choose the faith you believe in. In regards to this man, you need to get him face to face, to sit down, and explain what is wrong, he may just be feeling a bit pressurized, or be feeling too dependent, men have a rubber band tendency. He feels he is getting to close, or this is too serious, and perhaps he just needs space, leave him to do what he likes, if he loves you he will come back home. If you don't want to wait and see, then you need to get him face to face and see what the hell his problem is. Clearly he had plans for you, but he has put you and him on hold for him. His career has come in front of you, and to be honest it may always, but that is your choice, if you try to pull him back from his dream job, then he may resent you for it. It all depends on how much you like him, and is he worth it. Clearly you must love him a lot to have changed your faith and have been together nearly 5 years. It sounds he is neglecting you, but he may not realise the extent and you may just be coming accross as being nagging and whining on at him. Try to make him realise why he fell in love with you, go out, have a laugh with some mates, and just forget about him until he is ready to understand why you are getting upset about this. Quarrelling over text is never good, he will remember and texts can be misinterpreted.
11 :
It is time to move on. If you are 'the one' for him, he will figure it out in due time and come running back to you but I don't see that happening. He's stringing you along until he decides what he wants. Just stop talking to him for awhile and see how it goes. Go out and meet people. Feel good about yourself again. Good luck.
Read more discussion :
